A Tea Named Mambo

My tea is named Mambo
It's fragrant herbs paint the water violet
as its breath, a warm fog, hugs my chin.
I am comforted
Filled with a tea named Mambo.

Big Girl Now

You know you're getting older when you're out shopping and you gravitate towards dish cloths instead of shoes, curtains instead of dresses, and lamps instead of earrings.

Instead of imagining how chic you'd look sporting a floral scarf draped around your neck, you imagine how chic your living room would look if it had a floral throw draped over the back of the couch. So you buy the chic floral throw.

Only, you don't own a couch.

So now you're just a big girl with a throw and no couch.

FYI:

I feel it necessary to share with you that I do not care for soda. My taste buds must know me too well. They know that my inability to screw back on caps to soda bottles turns me into an incredibly agitated young lady. After each struggle I think, "this is so not worth it."

Comfortably Uncomfortable

The unknown, it's scary. We don't know what to anticipate. So much of life is predicting what is about to happen - so that we know how to handle it. What was once "new" will eventually become habitual, a routine. Every step will be mastered. Executed without hesitation or thought - swiftly and comfortably. Our mind at ease, we know what to expect, and proceed without caution. Living comfortably, isn't that what we yearn for? It is stressful being scared, not knowing how to operate appropriately - but we push through with the thought that this scary unknown feeling will fade away. We'll learn the ins and outs, and eventually become, comfortable. But there's danger in comfort. When we don't know what to anticipate we are forced to think and perceive. Are intuition is tested. When entering into something foreign we want to make a good impression, right? But when we become too comfortable we could care less of impressions. It's easier to have things memorized rather than have to think about them. Our guard is let down - because we have the territory scanned and cleared already. Living a life of comfort is becoming more scarier to me. I think I'd rather live a life of discomfort. Even though it might be scarier, in the end, it's less dangerous.

Thursday

7:14am - "Are you done jumping?" Abe asks.
7:15am - Sitting on the edge of my bed I slowly become aware of my newly discovered day, I detach the blurred events of what I had dreamed, and with wide eyes, I finally wake - mentally (far from physically).

Jumping...I sat puzzled at his question.

That's right, I did. I jumped twice this morning, more like a jerk really, a rapid burst of movement. The sun peering through your window first thing in the morning is charming, on a Saturday.

Today was a Thursday, however, and they begin with an 8:00am class; I have to be awake before the sun.

7:13am - waking up to the thought of sleeping past my wake up call. I lunged forward in my bed. Jerk #1.

7:13am - I snatch my cell phone resting near me and check the time. 12 minutes remain. I lunge again and wrap my legs over the side of my bed. Jerk #2.

7:15am - The count down begins; only way to make it out in time is to skip steps. Step #1, "shower" gets skipped which automatically skips step #2, "hair". I don't skip makeup, step #3 (instead I sort of half skip it - powder and mascara with do). Attending class in the nude would be quite scandalous, so I follow through with step #4, get dressed.

7:28am - Just a few minutes behind schedule, but that's alright. My car starts, phew. Now here's hoping there's no head-jerking during class, I made here, now I just need to stay awake.

Light Bulbs

I once wrote about light switches. And compared them to people, inconsistent and unpredictable, but today I write about light bulbs. If it weren't for the light bulb why would we need a switch? We wouldn't, of course. The purpose of a light switch is to turn the light bulb on or off, so it is the switches responsibility whether the light is beaming brightly or turned off leaving nothing but a room full of shadows. We people are the light switches. Our faith is the light bulb. As Christians, we've accepted our Lord and have become attached, a "wire", so to speak, to He who our faith rests. As light switches, we have two options: turn our light on, or off. This is the same for us Christians. So many of us (me) have created a habit in deciding whether or not we want to turn our faith and godly perspective on and off, depending on our mood, circumstance, ect. I don't want to be a light switch. I want to be like Jesus, the light bulb. I want to be lit and stay lit. People need people. People need Jesus. Therefore, people need people who love Jesus to love Jesus no matter what the circumstance, mood, or what the weather may be outside our icy cold windows. People need people. People need to be able to rely, depend, and count on others. I don't mean perfect people. I mean people who rejoice in the love of our God, no-matter-what, allowing His light to be seen and sin exposed. So, my revelation this month is the importance of consistency. Oh, to always be mindful in choosing to rejoice in the love of Jesus, always, always, always.

Incoming 2011

I am celebrating the New Year: by closing my eyes and hiding myself under a blanket.

Goodnight 2010, it's been swell. I shall wake to new resolutions and a 10-7 shift at Borders.

New resolutions: creating more-forgiving more-loving more. (of course I've got specific resolutions, right Peter? ; )

I apologize for my uncheery status, I feel the need to be real--I am glum this New Year's Eve.

BUT I am hopeful, determined, and motivated--I serve a God who wants more out of me and will bless me in choosing to live according to His plan. Year 2011, He will challenge me and stretch me to the point of breaking--perhaps that's exactly what I need, what we all need, to break--surrendering--every little bit of us.

The only way for me to be able to "hold it together" in 2011, I must let go, let Him take over, 100%. Thank you, Lord. We don't deserve a love like Yours, and yet you do--You keep on loving--You want only the best for us all.

In joy and pain, in sun and rain, you're the same. You never let go.