Incoming 2011

I am celebrating the New Year: by closing my eyes and hiding myself under a blanket.

Goodnight 2010, it's been swell. I shall wake to new resolutions and a 10-7 shift at Borders.

New resolutions: creating more-forgiving more-loving more. (of course I've got specific resolutions, right Peter? ; )

I apologize for my uncheery status, I feel the need to be real--I am glum this New Year's Eve.

BUT I am hopeful, determined, and motivated--I serve a God who wants more out of me and will bless me in choosing to live according to His plan. Year 2011, He will challenge me and stretch me to the point of breaking--perhaps that's exactly what I need, what we all need, to break--surrendering--every little bit of us.

The only way for me to be able to "hold it together" in 2011, I must let go, let Him take over, 100%. Thank you, Lord. We don't deserve a love like Yours, and yet you do--You keep on loving--You want only the best for us all.

In joy and pain, in sun and rain, you're the same. You never let go.

A Full Heart

My heart is full

of blessings from my Father who makes this world bearable

I am in need of Him to be careful

that I may never stray but remain faithful

to He who fills my heart.

I'd Scream

Can I just curl up in a sound proof box and scream, please?

I'd scream in agony,

Regret,

Shame,

Confusion,

Frustration,

It would be a passionate scream, because I'd be screaming to the only one who cares,

Listens,

Loves,

If only I could scream,

Cry,

And let it all out.

In the Mood

I am in the mood to write

And this should be a wonderful thing

Considering I have a fair share of "writing assignments" due in Creative Writing

But I would rather blog.

I am in the mood to draw

This should also be a wonderful thing

Being that there are drawings to be finished and fine-tuned for my Drawing class

But I would rather start my own piece.

Oh, how we love to self-gratify

And do want we want to do.

But what I need to, is this:

Get off my blog

Quit writing nonsense

Go potty

Eat some food

Do some jumping jacks

Play some Frank Sinatra

And be proactive.

Can I get an "Amen"?

Unfinished:

I am always unfinished.

Color Me Orange

Orange: we go together like carrots and sweet potatoes,

Sunrises and orange juice,

Clementines and tiger lilies.

Orange rejuvenates my soul

Reminding me to extract life's juices;

Squeezing and seizing its every moment.

Letting it drip from our elbows

and splatter

between our toes.

Mixed Bag

Her expression, like soft butter sliding off a hot knife

Drooped from a smile to a frown in an instant.

She became a mixed bag--over stuffed with a pile of incohesive emotions that made

Her stomach sick like an unpleasant combination of pickles and peanut butter,

Emotions fresh out of the oven and stale ones that have sat on the counter for too long.

Her man, he is the orange juice to her breakfast, and that morning, she choked on the pulp.

Hair Still Wrapped in Terrycloth

This morning I woke up to the craving of an apple.

To the thought of his ticklish knees.

To my "to-do" list that is long and seemingly endless.

To my pajama shorts on backwards.

To my "wish" list of things I would thoroughly love to accomplish but are, unfortunately, drastically unrelated to what needs to get accomplished.

And what needs to get accomplished?

Gym hours I've been putting off--the thought of public exercise gives me goose bumpers. I'm all for fitness and taking care of ones body, I'm just not all for displaying this activity for all strangers to see (that and the equipment intimidates me so!).

But I need 18 hours!

Tomorrow, I hope to knock off at least 1 of those hours, before work, we'll see..

Focus Questions and much needed studying for my Western Civilization 2 class--why do I procrastinate so? Every time I wait until the week before our exam to complete the questions to turn in, and every time I say, "I'm never waiting until the last week ever again!"

And here I am. One week before it is due, will I ever learn?

And of course there are others, those are just the two that are lurking, haunting, hovering over my head like a black cloud that will soon burst and drench me with over-sized rain drops that will surely sting and scar my skin if I don't run for my life and seek shelter.

And here I sit. It has been over an hour since my shower and still my white towel is wrapped snug around my hair on my head.

The head that is still full from yesterday's reflections that are spilling out onto today as well.

Today I need my Jesus.

I always need my Jesus

We always need our Jesus

But today in particular

Because I find myself wondering about who I am and where He wants me

He wants to me to check off my to-do list

And I need His help

Hence

Today I need my Jesus.

Love/Straw

I want to love you like a straw--

The kind we use to suck the fluids from our cups.

I want to love you like a straw--

With open ends

Love that can burst out from either direction.

I want to love you like a straw--

Smooth and round

A love that unifies and is constant

Like the curves of the straw.

I want to love you like a straw--

Light and portable

A love I can carry with me in the palm of my hand

With ease.

I want to love you like a straw--

Stir the emotions inside you

Suck

And consume you.

Journey to the Heart

A delicious blossom with edible parts

Petals drenched in hot butter

Scrapes against the back

Of my teeth

Removing the the taste of tender sweetness

The butter rolls over my bottom lip and drips..

Discarded petals; an

Edible journey to the heart

Covered with fur.

The cost is high for such a precious blossom

One for each of us on

A rare, special night; a

Treat for us all

Blossoms with edible parts.

Fall ~ Color

I'd write about fall, but I believe showing it does more justice.

If I were to write about fall, I would end up being overly descriptive.

And it would turn into something sounding "flowery".

I hate flowery.

So here are pictures, no need to tell you how beautiful and unique fall is--

Just look outside your window.

It's here.

Family, Can You Hear It?

You know the old saying, "Stop and smell the roses", well...

Have you ever stopped and listened to your family?

They make such funny sounds. They speak such odd sentences.

We get annoyed when they don't stop talking, we get concerned when they don't talk at all.

You know what I am thankful for?

The opportunity I've been given to live with my sister, her husband, and their two little boys.

Until moving in with them last year I never did stop and listen to family.

I was always in the mix when living with my parents at home. But now, now I can observe from the outside.

It's been fun watching the four of them, and baby number three grow in my sister's belly.

But listening--that's my favorite.

I love waking up to the sound of little boys karate chopping.

I laugh every time I hear sentences like: "The guns don't belong with the food" and "Sam, you may not eat any more scissors."

These sentences won't make any sense to you.

And that's okay.

That's why they make me laugh.

Without children, we would never be able to say such odd sentences that shouldn't make sense but do under the circumstance.

My favorite is hearing my sister and her husband.

I over heard them laughing upstairs; the purposeful, hardy, and very fake sounding, "HA HA HA" kind.

I entered the room and asked, "What's going on in here, guys?"

This was their response:

"We were hanging this up." (this = my sister added small blank cards in her wedding invitations for the guests to write marriage advice on and send back with the RSVP. My sister had these cards matted and framed)

"One of the cards said: Take time to laugh together," they told me.

"Oh, so that was you two laughing together?" I said.

Matt, my sister's husband, chuckled and said "Yup".

I have learned so much from the two of them.

They love the Lord, they love each other, they love their kiddos.

They know the importance of hard work, whether it be "at the office" or in the home.

I cannot thank the Lord enough for such a wonderful sister and role model.

I was recently asked who my closest friend(s) were, and I said "...my sister?"

At first, after having said that, I thought to myself "LAME!"

But I quickly thought--no, I'm quite the opposite.

Because what would be lame-r, is having a sister that I took for granted.

She picked a good one. Her hubby is the brother I never had.

He looks out for me, he teases me, he brews coffee...well.

I laugh every time I pull his fatigues out of the dryer--it always takes me a good three minutes to detach all the socks, undies, and other small articles of clothing from the velcro.

Family.

Are you listening?

A Boy, a Girl, and a Telephonic Conversation

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but I have to tell you something."

"Um, okay?"

"Never mind."

"No never mind, what were you going to say?"

"Don't worry about it."

"But I will worry about it. You will tell me."

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does, why would you bring it up if it didn't?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Tell me, tell me now--what if you forget?"

"Oh, I won't forget."

"But what if you do? Tell me now, just in case."

"Tell you what?"

"Ahh! Why won't you tell me?"

"Because I don't need to tell you."

"Yes, you do!"

"Don't worry about it!"

"Too late."

"So, what did you have for dinner?"

"Tell me!"

"Tell you what I had for dinner? Okay, I had pasta."

"TELL ME!"

"Nope."

"FINE! I had salmon, wild rice, and steamed broccoli."

"Hey."

"Hey."

Apatosaurus

Yesterday morning I met a new friend.
He sat on my windowsill. He watched me as I powdered my face and styled my hair.
His long neck shivered from time to time.
I kept a close eye, worried he might blow away and leave me.
I had never met a dinosaur before.

Brown and fragile, he reminded me that fall is here.
I continued with my morning ritual, and with each glance back at him I wondered what kind of dinosaur he was.
There are so many kinds. He was the friendly kind.
Large round belly, long slender tail and neck, pudgy oval face.
Even though brown, I saw him blue.

I placed my tooth brush back in its place and turned off the bathroom light.
It is 7:15, the time is near for me to leave and begin my day.
I thanked my new friend perched on my windowsill, my favorite fall leaf.
The friendly kind of dinosaur. An apatosaurus.

Swirls and Smiles

It always amazes me how certain things that seem so ordinary and simple to adults can be so fascinating and magical to children. Take for example--whipped cream. It is not foreign to us, we've all seen it and have tasted it. Some of us may like it more than others--but bottom line: we've all become so used to it, to the point that it no longer makes us smile.

And that is sad, isn't it?
Since when did we become immune to whipped cream?
In a way, children are like whipped cream: Pure, white, innocence--Smooth and sweet.
With their bright eyes beaming, they stare mesmerized at the magical swirls of white fluffy perfection. And I stand watching them, as their smiles stretch across their porcelain cheeks.

Days of Rain

Rain, rain, don't go away.

Thank you for coming on this day:

You can see it, feel it, smell it, hear it, and even taste it.

Some may think it brings us sadness, but I believe it washes it away.

Rainy days makes our hearts feel warmer, our dreams seem clearer, and unfortunately--our hair frizzier.

We want to hide ourselves away in the comfort of our homes, drink hot beverages, and watch old movies.

At least I do.

Rosalie

...is hooked.

And I won't let go.

Like gum stuck to a shoe--

It's annoying and ugly.

But like a gold sticker stuck to a piece of paper--

It's also rewarding and inspiring.

I'm stuck and I don't mind.

So I won't even attempt to pry it off from the sides.

Light Switches

Why must people act like light switches?

One minute they are up, and the next they are down.

They go on and off in just a matter of seconds--

Not leaving us enough time for our eyes to adjust.

Why can't they be like those dials with a dimmer?

A gradual change, a pleasant ease from one extreme to the next--

Leaving our eyes plenty of time to adjust and prepare for what is to come.

But that would be too easy, a life full of dial-dimmers.

So there we have it, a life full of light switches.

They're on, they're off. They're up, they're down.

It's bright, then it's dark. With no time to prepare--

Because there's never a warning.

Our eyes ache at its consequence.

The Worst Kind Of Feeling

Anger, Sorrow, Fear, Disappointment, all of these I would much prefer...

than to be confused.

Confusion: lack of clearness or distinctness.

It is the worst kind of feeling.

The Extra in Ordinary

Isn't it fascinating how all inanimate objects have its own personality? Each one unique in its own way--different and set apart from the rest, somehow. Everything around us has character: the styles of clothes we wear, the kinds of food we eat and beverages we drink, the types of places we visit, genres of music we listen to, the phrases we say...

and so on, and so on...

Thank you Jesus for giving us the ability to find pleasure and amusement in the smallest and simplest of things. Life is filled with the ordinary and the mundane--our daily challenge should be to take a closer look at our usual surroundings and everything in them to find something extra about it.

Everything is ordinary--until you find that something extra. And that my friend, is pretty extraordinary.

Pink Elephants

Short, random, moments of utter bliss. Something sparks me deep inside and tugs at me. Becoming instantly intrigued as why this odd little something has managed to capture and hold my attention despite my current activity, I cannot help analyzing and examining its every detail. Sunday: boys holding a container overflowing with small green apples. Last year sometime: a dish-drain full of an assortment of brightly colored Tupperware dishes. And today: a beaded necklace that was given to me by my Grandmother, Clara. Pink/Coral colored oval beads with a soft pearly coating, small peach beads in between each. Grandma Clara gave me this necklace with its matching pair of clip-on earrings in its original box--still filled with cotton balls. On the cover of the box: an elephant. This isn't just any 'ole earrings and necklace set...these are Pink Elephants (the jewelry brand).

I now plan to wear this beaded necklace sometime over the weekend. Dear Pink Elephant, you have not been forgotten.

Thou "Art" With Me

It is true that in life it is absolutely important to never loose sight of "the big picture". But this does not mean we should get sloppy with the details.

Though from far away our lives seem complete and focused, my fear is that at the end of my mine, someone will step in closer and closer towards my supposed masterpiece only to find a multitude of errors and smudges and blurred lines. For paintings and works of art this always intrigues me and makes me fall in love with it even more. How something so full of flaws and imperfections can transform into something perfect and clear once you've taken a few steps back and have seen the picture in it's entirety. We are human. We are sinners. It is inevitable that we will get smudged and bruised along the way. But through Christ we can start fresh - on a smooth, white, primed canvas we can begin our masterpiece over. With the big picture in mind we continue to add to our masterpiece. But meanwhile let's never forget--every detail counts. If we smudge, when we bruise, we ask the greatest artist of all to swipe it clean. And we begin again. That way, our end result can be just as flawless up close as it is far away. Through Him--we are made perfect.

Sweet Dreams

Though despite the current time being 12:39 AM (technically morning), and me being a ways from beddy-bye, I still find myself compelled to write a post titled "Sweet Dreams". One of the most loved moments in life for me are the ones right before bed time; especially those during warm summer nights when you can wear only boxer shorts and a camisole and feel not even the least bit of chill. So, what has inspired me to write about my love for warm summer nights you might ask? Well, my tea. My hot Chamomile & Mint tea--AKA: "Sweet Dreams". Relaxing and winding down before bed just isn't possible (okay, maybe it's possible), without a hot beverage.

So here's to summer nights - to sleeping in boxers and camisoles - to crazy hair - to fans and open windows - and the hopes of a blue skied and sun filled tomorrow. Good night, God bless, and Sweet Dreams.

Remember They Forgot

This morning I thought about how I find it comical when someone says they just "remembered they forgot". Then I found it comical that phrases such as this amuse me so. Why do I allow my thinks to be of such sorts? I was going to jot this all down at a later date; however, for fear of "forgetting to remember", now seems as good of a time as ever.

Thinking of sorts; sorting my thinks. My thoughts at a constant over-flow. Some waiting to come forth. But mostly all forgotten. But maybe that's a good thing?

Babies in Their Bellies

August, September, October...three more months until I can hold my beautiful nephew. November, December...two more months and I will hold another! Will it be yet another handsome boy? Or will the Lord bless me with my first niece? Just think: within five months there will be two precious additions to my family.
Oh, babies in their bellies. Little Abram told me he wanted to rub my belly last night, when I asked why he said, "Because there's a baby in it." I of course informed him that this was not so and he seemed quite displeased and surprised knowing that both his mother and other Auntie have babies in their bellies. "But why not?!" he questioned. "I'm not married, you need a husband and a wife to start a family." I told him. "Oooh...then get married!" he answered. Kiddos do say the darndest things, and thank the Lord for that! Keeps things interesting, it sure keeps me laughing and smiling.

Oh, how the time goes by - if only we could hold it still - so we could take the time to admire without missing anything. All the more reason to admire as we go, never letting any circumstance seem useless or ordinary. There is humor and purpose in everything, we just need to look for it.